Tobacco Futures

Courtesy of the Daily Mash:

SMOKERS BANNED FROM LOOKING AT CIGARETTES WHILE SMOKING

SMOKERS will have to hold a large piece of card over their face so they cannot look at the cigarette they are smoking, ministers said last night.

The 'smoking mask' will include a small mouth hole and a handle though later models may be fitted with elasticated straps...

The mask will also carry a warning which reads: "Lighting a Cigarette While Wearing This Mask May Cause You to Set Fire to the Mask Instead of the Cigarette and Burn Your Face Off."

Health secretary, Alan Johnson, said: "If you can't see nicotine, it can't see you. And, as any scientist will tell you, if something can't see you, it has no way of knowing you exist."

Comments

[marksany]

Or:
Outdoor smoking only allowed at the rear of buildings. If a minister goes past in a limo, he won't see anybody smoking and he'll think all smoking has been stopped.

[ally]

So Johnson is channelling the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Trall now! Quality.

Who knew the Daily Mail could be (intentionally) funny though? An intriguing development and a refreshing change from "Paedophile Asylum Seekers Cause Cancer" and the like.