The Wodehouse Primary

In my sourer moments I find myself persuaded that Bertie Wooster's verdict on aunts also applies to politicians: "It is no use telling me that there are bad aunts and good aunts. At the core, they are all alike. Sooner or later, out pops the cloven hoof."

Never is this more the case than during a Presidential campaign. The sheer ghastliness of the front-runners is something to behold. Or not, as the case may be.

Try as I might, for instance, I find it hard to warm to Hillary Clinton even as I acknowledge that some of the hysteria surrounding her is absurdly overblown. And yet, there's something to it too. This story in today's Washington Post about Hillary's struggle to appeal to male voters won't have pleased the campaign much, (it's pretty anecdotal for one, and, for another, she is doing slightly better with white men than might be imagined). Still, it's undeniable that there's something about Hillary's demeanour that puts people off. It's not as simple as her being a woman, though that doubtless disqualifies her in some folks' eyes, but that she's a particular type of woman.

As always Wodehouse is an invaluable guide to matters of the heart. Dipping into The Inimitable Jeeves last night, it struck me that, for a certain kind of chap, Hillary is the Honoria Glossop of the presidential campaign. It's not just that Hillary's now infamous "cackle" is dangerously reminiscent of Miss Glossop's laugh "that sounded like a squadron of cavalry charging across a tin bridge."

No, it's more that Hillary too often gives the impression of sharing Honoria's horrifying determination to mould a fellow. To wit, one can easily imagine Hillary addressing a chap, thus:

"I think" she said "I shall be able to make something of you, Bertie. It is true yours has been a wasted life up to the present, but you are still young, and there is a lot of good in you...It simply wants bringing out."

But what if you don't want bringing out? Opting out ain't an option with this sort of girl. And it gets worse. When Hillary isn't being Honoria Glossop she's reminding one of Florence Craye. Now it's true that Bertie was briefly infatuated with Miss Craye. But that was until he engaged Jeeves and was persuaded that Miss Craye was a thoroughly unsuitable match (See Carry On, Jeeves for the details). As Bertie realised:

"The root of the trouble was that she was one of those intellectual girls, steeped to the gills in serious purpose, who are unable to see a male soul without wanting to get behind it and shove."

Some of us might prefer to remain un-shoved. Worse still, whenever a girl of Florence's type engages one to stick one's neck out for her - by, for instance, stealing a manuscript -  she tries to persuade you that it's really for your own advantage. She risks nothing, of course, whereas your allowance is endangered. But no, she will say:

"I wonder you can't appreciate the compliment I am paying you - trusting you like this"

Alas, I can just hear Hillary putting it like that. Can't you?

So, as you can see, fiancees can be as cloven-hoofed as aunts and politicians. I admit that the Wodehouse vote may be too much of a microtrend or niche for even Mark Penn to have analysed but I'm as confident as one can be that Mrs Clinton does poorly amongst Wodehouse fans.

Still, looking on the brighter side of things, since no-one could imagine Hillary suggesting that "the stars are God's daisy chain" she is unlikely to be considered the Madeline Bassett of the primary season.

That would be Mike Huckabee.

Comments

[DTK]

As one of the presumably few Wodehouse readers who would comment here ... HA!! And I'm for Obama, so maybe you're into something with the "Hillary has lost the Wodehouse vote" idea.

[KDP]

Exactly! And I, as well, am an Obama supporter.

[alex]

I am also Wodehouse fan and may be that is why I can't stand Hillary.

[The Oldest Member]

Indeed. Brilliant.

[RS]

Obama? If he'd been born in Wodehouse's England, he would doubtless have been named Rollo or Rodney ... and he probably has written poems on "Hope" and stuff like that under a nom-de-whatever. I'll place my two quid on Edwards.

[diana]

"Still, it's undeniable that there's something about Hillary's demeanour that puts people off. It's not as simple as her being a woman...."

Pardon me, but fuck you.

[Anna]

Another Wodehouse fan for Obama.

[David]

What the fuck is this guy talking about?

He writes, "Alas, I can just hear Hillary putting it like that. Can't you?"

No, actually, I can't.

[ella]

Sorry about your horrible phobia regarding strong women, dude. I'd recommend Paxil and cognitive therapy. Tell Andrew Sullivan to join you.

[diana]

Ella,

Strong women? In the case of these two sad sacks, I’d say it’s any women.

[Alex]

Sorry Ella and Diana: I have no problem with strong women. (Nr, I suspect does Andrew though he don't of course swing that way) But Honoria Glossop and Florence Craye et al are ghastly. I'm guessing neither of you read much Wodehouse: not a terminal flaw but unfortunate...

[David]

Forget Wodehouse. Just...what exactly is your point?

[dearieme]

But did Honoria and Florence dabble in Cattle Futures? And did they emit a sulphurous whiff of Roderick Spode?

[pennyfeather]

Capital, capital! Then would Ron Paul be Jeeves in the flesh, come to rescue us from this ambitious harpy?

[Mike G]

David, Ella, Diana et al.:

Few things in life are more grim than the humorless debating Wodehouse.

(This has nothing to do with politics, but some here might be amused: "The DaVinci Code of the Woosters."

http://www.michaelgebert.com/lipograms2.html

[John]

Now if Hillary were more like Harriett Vane of Dorothy Sayers "Peter Wimsey" novels, she be more than tolerable. As it is, I'll just stick with Fred.

As to those who can't see the humor in this, then they have a bit too much Glossop in them.

[Jim C.]

This is a much funnier way to regard Hillary than as the person who said at the U. of Texas in 1993, "Let us be willing to remold society by redefining what it means to be a human being in the twentieth century; moving into a new millennium."

ella wrote, "Sorry about your horrible phobia regarding strong women, dude. I'd recommend Paxil and cognitive therapy."

Typical leftist drivel. Disagree with them and they feel so threatened that they pronounce you mentally ill and prescribe re-education and drugs, just like in the glorious USSR.

[Punditius]

You are right to look to Wodehouse. But you are wrong to be deflected from the aunts. For one thing, Hillary is too old to be one of the prospective fiances. After all, they are only larval aunts, so to speak. Had you stuck with the actual aunts, you would have seen Aunt Hillary clear.

Aunt Hillary is a Missing Aunt, one that even Wodehouse failed to imagine, given the male dominated politics of his time, an Aunt in Politics.

As a proper Wodehousian Aunt, she even comes equipped with an errant husband, poor Uncle Bill, always chasing after the chorus girls, when he can sneak out from under Aunt Hillary's gimlet eye.

Meanwhile, one can only imagine what she wants poor Bertie to do for her. Maybe she would send him off on some impossible mission to thwart Obama. Or place him on some Committee to oversee the elimination of some innocent male pleasure.

Where is Jeeves when we need him? We will forgo the purple socks forever, if only he can save us from the clutches of this dread woman!

I say we should elect the candidate most like Jeeves. I await with anticipation your analysis of this point.

[El Kabong]

"As to those who can't see the humor in this, then they have a bit too much Glossop in them."

Indeed, I think he has been set upon by a virtual herd of cloven hooves.

[JMH]

Huckabee as The Basset? I saw him more as the Rev. Stinker Pinker myself. Decent enough as a curate, I'm sure, but bound to bungle anything else.

[Cris]

Ah, the old 'strong woman' defence. Frequently used by overbearing shrews.
And what's with the f word all over the place? Bertie would be aghast.

[David H Dennis]

Most of those who are critical of this essay have obviously never heard of any of the characters of P G Wodehouse, a brilliant if somewhat dated writer.

He created wonderful romantic comedies that were frothy and delightful and charming.

So it seems only sporting to introduce those people to Bertie Wooster and his man Jeeves with Right Ho Jeeves. That might clear up any confusion and also add a little laughter to the world, which is only appropriate nowadays.

Alas, there seems to be no way to get URLs in this thing, but if you search for Right Ho Jeeves, you will find the full text at Project Guetenburg and elsewhere.

Like Alex, I don't think this has anything to do with sex. P G Wodehouse has lovable female characters and really nasty female characters. Most of the latter insist on using their looks, charm or authority to dominate men, pushing them into changing their essential personality or causing them to do things they should not.

I'd like to think that you can be a strong woman and a nice woman at the same time, but there are many strong women who are just plain not nice, who would be horribly unpleasant bosses or friends.

Hillary Clinton is very much from this mould. To give you an idea of the contrast, I think HIllary Clinton would be a very unpleasant person to work with, but I don't think I'd mind working for George W Bush, who despite his faults has been a loyal employer to his staff.

Since the President is the closest thing we have to the "boss of the nation", this is important. We have to feel our President is someone we can work with and like. So the likability test is a legitimate one, and Hillary Clinton flunks it with the closest thing to the opposite of flying colors I could think of.

The Aunt Agatha of Presidential candidates indeed!

D

[Jagcap]

"somewhat dated"?!?!
Only in the same sense that the Bible and Shakespeare are "somewhat dated."

[Jagcap]

And if you want a "strong woman" you could hardly do better than independent businesswoman Aunt Dahlia:
"If Aunt Dahlia has a fault, it is that she is inclined to talk to you when face to face in a small drawing-room as if she were addressing some crony a quarter of a mile away whom she had observed riding over hounds. For the rest, she is a large, jovial soul, built rather on the lines of Mae West and is beloved by all including the undersigned. Our relations have always been chummy to the last drop." Her newspaper may perpetually be on its last legs, but Aunt Dahlia in the White House would not be all bad.

[Gary Harmon]

Aunt Agatha, memorably, wore barbed wire next to the skin. If that isn't Hillary, then Wodehouse didn't know his aunts. And if Hillary is Agatha (she is) then we need Jeeves, a man who eats a lot of fish. Good for the brain, don't you know? And who says subscribers to The Guardian are unlikely to know how to read. And who knows that houndstooth doesn't work with plaid. Is there such a man?

[Gary Harmon]

Aunt Agatha, memorably, wore barbed wire next to the skin. If that isn't Hillary, then Wodehouse didn't know his aunts. And if Hillary is Agatha (she is) then we need Jeeves, a man who eats a lot of fish. Good for the brain, don't you know? And who says subscribers to The Guardian are unlikely to know how to read. And who knows that houndstooth doesn't work with plaid. Is there such a man?

[Gary Harmon]

Aunt Agatha, memorably, wore barbed wire next to the skin. If that isn't Hillary, then Wodehouse didn't know his aunts. And if Hillary is Agatha (she is) then we need Jeeves, a man who eats a lot of fish. Good for the brain, don't you know? And who says subscribers to The Guardian are unlikely to know how to read. And who knows that houndstooth doesn't work with plaid. Is there such a man?

[Gary Harmon]

Aunt Agatha, memorably, wore barbed wire next to the skin. If that isn't Hillary, then Wodehouse didn't know his aunts. And if Hillary is Agatha (she is) then we need Jeeves, a man who eats a lot of fish. Good for the brain, don't you know? And who says subscribers to The Guardian are unlikely to know how to read. And who knows that houndstooth doesn't work with plaid. Is there such a man?

[David H Dennis]

I'm afraid Aunt Dahlia was smart enough to stay out of politics :-).

Sorry about the dated remark. I think there's truth to it (see below) but as I'm sure you understand we are both Wodehouse fans. One reason for it is that I was thinking about the lack of characters today's feminist would recognize. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that yes, he did have perfectly recognizable feminist characters. None of them particularly sympathetic, granted, but they were there.

And Bertie Wooster always struck me as one of the best friends anyone could have in the world, which is no mean virtue.

Unfortunately, his writings are dated in one tragic respect. I think nowadays people would dismiss his writings for being too cheerful, and that's what I meant by "dated". When was the last time anyone around you was as happy as a Wodehouse character?

"Dated" and a darn shame it is.

D

[countrylawyer]

I will now start a fox among the chickens. If Hillary is Aunt Agatha, which seems like a good fit (although I've seen some argument in favor of Lady Constance over at Stephen Bainbridge that has some merit in it), and if Huckabee is The Bassett, then who are the other candidates? C'mon, Wodehousians: to the barricades! Out them all!

To those who think that Hillaradversion is a psycological disorder arising from her undeniable intelligence and strength, that's just nuts. It's entirely possible to have a profound respect for extremely intelligent, very strong, very accomplished women, indeed to number them among one's closest and deepest friends, and nonetheless be overcome with The Creeps when contemplating the specific policy preferences advanced by Hillary and those whom she has placed around her. Kindly spare us the ad hominem; if Hillary suggests, as she and her supporters have, that one should vote for her because she's a woman (hardly a self-evident proposition), why is it illegitimate to suggest that one should not vote for her for precisely the same reason (an equally non-self-evident proposition)? When you define the terms of the debate, don't take it amiss when people debate you on those terms. Bad form.

[sue]

So far, nobody has mentioned Lord Emsworth's unspeakable sisters. I think Hillary is Lady Constance.

[jag]

This is a wonderful post, and yes, I'm another Wodehouse fan pulling for Obama. He seems like a good egg, with little in the way of cloven hoofs..

[jag]

For what it's worth, Fred Thompson is undoubtedly Tom Travers, Aunt Dahlia's husband, an old fellow who was prone to dyspeptic attacks and moaning about high taxes.

[Stus]

What ho!

I'm another Wodehousian for Obama (and member of the Wodehouse Society) and I vote --

I think that Hillary would be a perfectly good president (no matter how disappointed I am in the way this campaign has been conducted) if a bit too Florence Craye.

I figure that Roderick Spode would be going big for McCain right now.